You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
