Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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