giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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