i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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