and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
