highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
