He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
