Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
