A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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