Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
