okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
