I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
