The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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