Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
