Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
