i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
