you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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