Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Boobs are out for the taking
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
