the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
only if we run a train.
done.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
