the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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