Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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