please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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