I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
