so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
