if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
