omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
