Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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