Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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