It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
As shirtless as possible
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
