You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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