Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
