I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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