Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
