I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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