btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
