Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
