I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
