This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
