From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
