god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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