Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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