so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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