woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
