Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got chris browned last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
