It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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