Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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