that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
