Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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