there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
