i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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