exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
