A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
