she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
