you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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