4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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