last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
