I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
