i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
