Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just cropdusted the office
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
