Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
