If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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