he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Houston, we have a squirter
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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