The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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