worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
