We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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