sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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