When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
