ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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