I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
