I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
