Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
