im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
