wanna go halves on a baby?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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