HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
